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Mornin’ All,

Happy Friday and Happy (almost) Weekend!!!😃

Big weekend. BIG WEEKEND!!! Just because Summerfest and July 4th are behind us does NOT mean that summer in Milwaukee is over. Far from it! So let’s get right to the good stuff happening around Milwaukee this weekend that might be good for your soul!!!😃

In no particular order…

-Bastille Days (oui)! Essentially it’s Milwaukee’s French Fest (oui, oui)!! And most of it is a FREE street fair (oui, oui, oui)!!!

-In honor of Bastille Days the Milwaukee Art Museum is presenting the Streets of Paris with more French…stuff! More than that, admission to the museum is FREE (oui, oui) on Friday night so go and check out the really cool Posters of Jules Chéret exhibit.

-The Red Bull Flugtag is at Veterans Park. Flugtag you ask??? Umm, well, it’s a bunch of homemade…umm…flying machines(?) that “fly”, but not really, and might just make you laugh so hard you pee your pants. And it’s FREE! Wee Wee!!!

-MKE Black Summer Marketplace is at the Deer District. Go and support some awesome locally owned black small businesses!😃

-Port Washington Fish Day in…Port Washington.

-Riverwest Food Truck Rally in…Riverwest (at Gathering Place Brewing).

-Elkhorn Rib Fest in…Elkhorn.

-Milky Way Drive-In Theater is back this weekend in…Franklin.

-Shakespeare in the Park in…Forest Home Cemetery (wouldn’t MacBeth be appropriate for a performance in a cemetery?).

-Seltzerland Hard Seltzer festival in…Seltzerland!!! Umm, no, it’s at the Deer District.

-The UW Milwaukee Planetarium presents Life of a Star (ya know, those twinkling things up in the sky).

-The Sharon Lynne Wilson Center in Brookfield presents Starry Nights featuring Jason Gillette and Big Band Jazz (Jason is one of the nicest guys and best musicians/music educators).

-The Kenosha Kingfish are at home on Friday and Saturday.

-The Lakeshore Chinooks are at home on Saturday night and it’s Bark in the Park night so bring your dog to the game (woof!)! Cats? Maybe not.

-The Racine Theater Guild is performing Into the Woods (very scary and very weird).

-Bay Shore Sounds of Summer continues with a performance by Milwaukee’s Eddie Butts Band.

-Waukesha’s Friday Night Live continues in…Waukesha.

-The Milwaukee Public Museum is presenting a special exhibit highlighting narwhals (through October 9th). And did you know that narwhals have a VERY special tooth???

-North Shore Bank presents the Dog Days of Summer pet event. Yeah, let’s be honest, it’s a dog fest (and I’m a cat guy).🙀

-Armenian Fest at St. John the Baptist Armenian Orthodox Church.

-Bristol Renaissance Faire in…Bristol (oh, jolly good!!!). What’s more is this weekend is Renn Con where everyone is encouraged to dress up as…whatever! Cosplay, superhero, steampunk, goth, you name it! Can you say people watching??? And I’ll be going as something very dark and scary…I’ll be going as…a dental educator.😱

-Yoga on the Terrace continues at Villa Terrace (every Sunday).

-The Milwaukee Domes Faerie Garden Show runs until September 11th.

-The Posters of Jules Chéret at the Milwaukee Art Museum runs until October 16th (and did I mention there’s French stuff at the Museum all weekend?).

-Farmers Market? How about the Kenosha Harbor Market?

-Hike? How about the Wehr Nature Center in Whitnall Park? And it’s FREE depending on where you park. Oh, and Whitnall Park has an awesome beer garden!!!

Ok, I’m out of breath (or my fingers are tired from typing?)!

So please have a GREAT weekend (TEALS: please get away from all that BOARDS stuff for a few minutes this weekend!!!). And please take care of yourself and your friends. Get out and enjoy all the good that life has to offer. And always know that being still and quiet and relaxing and renewing is ALWAYS an outstanding accomplishment.

Best regards and I’m hoping to see you around town.

Doc

Morning All,

Happy Thursday! I am a day earlier than usual with this Happy Note cuz…we gotta get excited about July Break!!! The heart of summer!!! Let’s get out there and LIVE!!! So let’s get to it, shall we???😃

-Summerfest (again)!!! I’ll be at the Here Come the Mummies concert on Saturday😃. BTW, have you ever seen two saxophone players playing a saxophone quartet??? Mummies!!! I kid you not!!!

-Summerfest (and Here Come the Mummies) not your thing? Well, how about Dave Matthews Band at Alpine Valley (umm…slight difference in ticket price😳)?

-Milwaukee’s Lakefront Fireworks on July 3rd at Veterans Park. This is a big deal (and, yeah, this is an event where you wish Scotty could beam you in and out…can you say CROWDS???).

-Fourth of July Festivals EVERYWHERE (I’m kind of partial to the festival in Historic Greendale) along with, you guessed it, fireworks!!!

-Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra plays the music/soundtrack to How To Train Your Dragon…while the movie’s playing!

-The Milwaukee County Zoo is only $4 on the Fourth (and there’s a new baby Red Panda but it’s not quite old enough to meet the public yet…ooh I can’t wait to see the new baby).

-PBS’s A Capitol Fourth is always (at least for me) exciting (and patriotic and filled with John Philip Sousa marches and, of all things…fireworks!).

-Kenosha Kingfish are at home on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (Sunday they play the Lakeshore Chinooks).

-Lakeshore Chinooks are at the Kenosha Kingfish on Sunday (so if you’re a Chinooks fan AND a Kingfish fan then, umm, your team doesn’t lose???).

-NASCAR (racing) Tailgate Experience at the Deer District (I don’t believe they are allowing people to drive race cars around the Deer District😕…but I could be wrong🤣).

-NASCAR racing at Road America in Elkhart Lake (I do believe they are allowing professional NASCAR drivers to drive race cars around Road America…and REALLY FAST😃).

-Milky Way Drive-In Theater returns with movies including The Goonies, Ghostbusters:Afterlife, Spider-Man:No Way Home, The Parent Trap, The Great Outdoors, and more (did I mention once upon a time that the mosquitoes at the Drive-In can be VORACIOUS!!!).

-Milwaukee Rep is wrapping up its performances of Murder on the Orient Express.

-Farmer’s Market? How about Waukesha?

-Hike? How about the Seven Bridges Trail in Grant Park (it’s free!).

-Yoga on the Terrace at Villa Terrace.

-The Milwaukee Domes Faerie Garden Show runs until September 11th.

-The Posters of Jules Chéret at the Milwaukee Art Museum runs until October 16th.

Whew!!! And now get out there. Live your life. Maybe even live your best life!😃

So please have a GREAT weekend AND July Break (I am sending you all a prescription that says ALL play and NO work until 8AM on July 11th…I’m a doctor and I can write prescriptions😊). And please take care of yourself and your friends. Get out and enjoy all the good that life has to offer. And always know that being still and quiet and relaxing and renewing is ALWAYS an outstanding accomplishment.

Best regards and I’m hoping to see you around town.

Doc

Mornin’ All,

Happy Friday and Happy (almost) Weekend!!!😃

Big weekend. Umm…Big Gig Weekend!!! But that’s not all so let’s get right to the good stuff happening around Milwaukee this weekend that might be good for your soul!!!😃

-Big Gig Weekend. Huh? Summerfest!!! The biggest music festival on the planet (or something like that…). Music, food, lakefront, perhaps some EtOH (in case we’ve forgotten, that’s shorthand for ethanol🍺🍹🍸)…’nuff said?

-Strawberry Fest in Cedarburg (fresh picked Wisconsin strawberries might be small but man they pack a delicious strawberry punch 🥊).

-Greek Fest at State Fair Park (saganaki flaming cheese…OPA!!!).

-The Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra is playing the music of John Williams (ya know…just a few little tunes like Star Wars, Jurrassic Park, Raiders of the Lost Ark, ET, Harry Potter, Jaws, 1941, Superman, Schindler’s List, Overture To Cowboys, Liberty Bell, Summon the Heroes, Olympic Overture…did I forget anything?).

-Margarita Fest at the Deer District (gonna go and search for my lost shaker of salt🧂…Google Jimmy Buffett).

-Rise (the Giannis Antetokounmpo movie) drops on Disney+.

-Shakespeare in the STATE Park (not to be confused with Shakespeare in the Park😊) is presenting Much Ado About Nothing at Milwaukee’s Three Bridges Park.

-Shakespeare in the Park (not to be confused with Shakespeare in the STATE Park😊) is still presenting Twelfth Night or What SHE Will and moves to Humboldt Park and Sherman Park.

-Lakeshore Chinooks Baseball at home on Friday and Sunday.

-Kenosha Kingfish Baseball at home on Saturday with fireworks after the game.

-Milwaukee Milkmen Baseball at home on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with fireworks after the game on Saturday.

-Milwaukee Brewers Baseball at home on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday against the Toronto Bluejays (Sunday is Corbin Burnes Bobblehead Day).

-Pewaukee Kiwanis’s Beach Party (on, of all things, a beach on Pewaukee Lake).

-Civil War Technology Day at Kenosha’s Civil War Museum.

-Lakefront Rugby Festival at Veterans Park (please wear a mouthguard).

-How about a hike? Lake Vista Park in Oak Creek is awesome (and it’s free).

-How about a farmer’s market? Oak Creek has an awesome farmer’s market (maybe you can catch both the farmer’s market and Lake Vista Park while you’re in Oak Creek???).

-Bayshore Mall’s Sounds of Summer (every Friday).

-Friday Night Live in Downtown Waukesha (every Friday).

-Yoga on the Terrace at Villa Terrace (every Sunday).

-The Milwaukee Domes Faerie Garden Show runs until September 11th.

-The Posters of Jules Chéret at the Milwaukee Art Museum runs until October 16th.

-Milwaukee Rep is still performing Murder on the Orient Express until July 1st.

OK. OK. OK. That was overwhelming. But so what? Get out there. Live your life. Maybe even live your best life!😃

So please have a GREAT weekend. And please take care of yourself and your friends. Get out and enjoy all the good that life has to offer. And always know that being still and quiet and relaxing and renewing is ALWAYS an outstanding accomplishment.

Best regards and I’m hoping to see you around town.

Doc

Mornin’ All,

Happy Friday and Happy (almost) Weekend!!!😃

More than that…Happy Father’s Day Weekend!!!😃 Big shout out to all the Dads out there (this includes all fur baby, scaley baby, and feather baby Dads out there…I definitely fall into the fur baby Dad category).

Milwaukee’s weather this weekend is looking to be outstanding (sunny with highs in the 70’s/80’s and lows in the 50’s/60’s…I pay BIG bucks in January/February to fly to places with weather this awesome) so maybe we can all try to get out there a little and maybe even have some fun!😃

And so the following is a little smattering of Milwaukee area out-and-about ideas for this weekend (umm…maybe it’s a big smattering?). Hold on tight…here we go!!!😃

-There are several Juneteenth celebration venues around town (most of them are free of charge) and there’s even a parade. If you have some spare time I suggest stopping by the Black Holocaust Museum as it is quite powerful.

-The Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra is performing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony (one of my all time favorite pieces of music ever!). Yes, there will be a FULL choir accompanying the MSO. Oh, and I hear that the MSO’s new concert hall is INCREDIBLE!

-The Milky Way Pop-Up Drive-In Movie Theater at the Milwaukee Milkmen’s Baseball Stadium is back this weekend with several different movies including Back to the Future, Shang-Chi, Grease, Up, and Jungle Cruise (make sure to bring your bug spray…don’t you just love being a meal for mosquitoes?).

-There are a whole bunch of rooftop patios around Milwaukee that have shed their igloos and are serving up a bunch of good open-air rooftop food and drinks (the igloos are cool though…I mean warm…when it’s cool?). Cafe Benelux is not too far from Marquette and has good gluten free stuff (but isn’t the gluten always free?).

-Farmer’s markets are starting to open up all around Milwaukee and this is the first weekend for Greendale’s Farmer’s Market which kinda resembles a street fair cuz they completely close down main street (Broad Street) to car traffic right in the heart of historic Downtown Greendale. Plus there are some awesome locally owned breakfast/brunch/lunch options right off of Broad Street (Sugar & Flour, Milk Can Diner, Dia de Noche).

-Wisconsin Humane Society’s Pet Walk at Veterans Park (be very careful around adoptable pets…going “just to look” usually turns into many wonderful years of snuggles and wet kisses…yes I do have three cats…just sayin’).

-Summer Soulstice Music Festival on Milwaukee’s East Side/Farwell Avenue.

-Hart Fest at Hart Park in the Wauwatosa Village (I hear there may be skateboard demos at Tosa’s skateboard park…please take good care of all your appendages should you feel like skateboarding might be a good idea😝).

-The Lakeshore Chinooks baseball team takes on the Fond Du Lac Dock Spiders at Kapco Park in Mequon ($8 tickets and I heard there might even be a Buzz Lightyear appearance).

-Disney/Pixar’s Lightyear opens in theaters this weekend (yes, I am a total Disney geek).

-The Beer Garden Summer Music Series at the Pabst Mansion returns this Saturday night (and every Saturday night…and it’s across the street from the dental school…and it’s free…well, ya gotta pay for your beer).

-The Milwaukee Domes Faerie Garden Show just opened and runs until September 11th (I love the Domes and they’re architectural icons).

-The Posters of Jules Chéret (cool late 1800’s French advertisement posters) exhibit just opened at the Milwaukee Art Museum and runs until October 16th.

-Shakespeare in the Park is performing Twelfth Night or What SHE Will at Alverno College and Mitchell Park (it’s free, it’s outdoors, and it’s at new locations every weekend throughout the summer). BTW, I always love it when I go to Shakespeare and everyone’s laughing…except me (yep, sometimes I just don’t get it).

-Milwaukee Rep is still performing Murder on the Orient Express until July 1st.

-This is the last weekend for the Sunset Playhouse’s performances of An Inspector Calls (another whodunnit).

Wow. OK. Deep breath. That was a whole lotta stuff. Whew!!!

Lots to do! Lots to do! So please have a GREAT weekend. And please take care of yourself and your friends. Get out and enjoy all the good that life has to offer. And always know that being still and quiet and relaxing and renewing is ALWAYS an outstanding accomplishment.

Best regards and I’m hoping to see you around town.

Doc

You’ve gotten what you wanted

Your eyes ONLY on THAT prize

Question is

Was that wise

As the immediate problems of the day

Have NOT gone away

Nor will they any time soon

So much energy

So much time

So much money

Invested in what may only amount

To a show

To a sham

To a distraction

Something only to make us think

That you care

That you want to make a difference

That you can make things better

Ok, so now that you’ve gotten what you want

What comes next

Especially when we wake each morning

And everything is still falling apart

And everything still smells like shit

And everything still looks like Hell

So maybe try giving us

Something that helps us all

Something that pays dividends

In building a system

Where there’s true caring

And true meaning

And true Hope

And true Love

Beyond understanding

Beyond believing

No patterns that seem to fit

No recognizing and no discerning

Just disbelief and bewilderment

Where are we going

And what is this before my eyes

Is this really happening and what will arise

A stranger in a strange land

That I have become

Searching for meaning

Searching for belonging

Searching for others

Who, like me

Need strength

Strength from belonging

Strength from sharing

Strength from caring

Strength from a community

That reaches out

And hugs you tight

And lets you know

You will be OK

And we will be OK

And we will weather the storm

And we will emerge better

And we will emerge stronger

Peacefully emboldened

By courage

And wisdom

And an awareness

That we might never be the same

Changed forever

For the better

For all those who know or realize

That so many things

May never be understandable

And that’s OK

Because so many things just don’t matter

On this great journey

Of courage

Of wisdom

And of Love

Living in chains

Living in shackles

Living in irons

No wind in my sails

Yet stormy seas all around

Forever bound

To a lie

To a diversion

To a something

Not of me

Not of my choosing

Who am I?

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

What should I do?

Whom should I be?

Me?

Or only what you need from me?

Tossed

From stem to stern

Searching

For soft sand beaches

For a safe harbor

For that place

That’s me

That’s safe

That’s calm

That’s what I AM

And not only what you need from me

I’ve given all

There’s nothing left

But when

Will I

Be me

And give ME

And sing MY song

And be

Who I AM to be

Where is my wind?

Where is my star?

Where is my guide?

To soft sand beaches?

To safe shores?

And my heart’s song?

I wait

And I hope

But time is running out

I’m getting old

Looking toward my end

Having done nothing

Yet hoping

Still hoping

For more

For soft sand beaches

And calm seas

And blue skies

And calm sweet winds

And beautiful music

And delicious food

And fine drink

And good people

And good talk

Of new days

And new nights

And new Peace

And new forevers

With new meaning

With new Hope

With new Faith

With new Love

And soft sand beaches.

Sometimes ghosts from my past come to visit. Ghosts: spectral remnants of pain, disappointments, traumas, fears, grief. And those ghosts can be big and scary and overwhelming. It’s as if I’m trying to sail a boat and all of a sudden those ghosts appear on deck and work to scare me more depending on which direction I need to steer my boat. But through therapy I have come to know how to recognize the ghosts and when they make their return. And through therapy and my self study journey I have come to understand that those ghosts can’t hurt me anymore especially if I choose to not allow them to hurt me. They are past feelings that have no basis in what is before me…what’s in my “present”.

My mind and body are exquisitely designed to keep me from harm. And my mind and body are exquisitely designed to learn from experienced harm so that I am protected from being harmed again. This is a trait we all share and has helped humans evolve over millions of years into the exquisite organisms we’ve become. But with PTSD my mind and body have been supercharged into hypervigilance. Genetics? Maybe. The age at which trauma occurs? Evidence is mounting. But some traumas and harms past a certain threshold throw certain people into the cascade we now know as PTSD. And once there those PTSD ghosts can lay dormant without our having any knowledge of their existence as our minds and bodies are exquisitely designed to completely block traumatic experiences from our consciousness. It’s the ghosts that appear for no apparent reason and from nowhere that exert the enduring legacy of our traumas. And the feelings those ghosts create are very uncomfortable and disconcerting. We’re left feeling like we’re losing our minds or going crazy. Substance abuse and/or suicide seem like the only way out (and I absolutely mourn for all our brave soldiers who daily live with this Hell…a terrible thank you gift from politicians who send our children to fight in foreign lands in the name of democracy and freedom and world peace…peace through more violence…state sanctioned violence and killing…bullshit!!!).

I consider myself lucky as therapy has allowed me to know I have ghosts. And therapy has even given me the power to see the faces of my ghosts. I know my ghosts. Are there more ghosts I don’t know about? Likely. But I know some really big ones. I recognize them. Do they creep in and visit without my knowing it? Yes. But it’s the feelings they evoke that let me know they’re visiting again. The feelings lead me to their faces. And their faces let me know what to do about their presence. Will they ever disappear completely from my unconscious mind? Likely not. But their occasional return allows me to learn from them. The ghosts can continue to be lessons. They may be scary lessons but they can’t hurt me. They appear, I let them run their course, I let them dissipate, and then I gain insights. But what was then isn’t now. What happened in the past is not happening now and likely will never happen again. It was a point in time. And my “now” can never be “then” all over again. It’s as if PTSD can be my superpower if I deem it so. PTSD can also be my undoing if I allow that direction to prevail. PTSD as a superpower? Yes, absolutely, as PTSD can bring me knowledge and insights that few will ever know (thankfully) and those insights can benefit both me and society as a whole if shared carefully and properly.

Two years ago I suffered a devastating mental health crisis which led me (back) to therapy. At the time (and obviously to this day) I used my blog to journal my healing journey and I was astounded by the number of student dentists who shared with me their struggles with mental health issues. And I vociferously encouraged and empowered those students struggling with mental health issues to seek help. And then the world turned upside down due to COVID-19. So many students living in isolation (some not in the best and/or safest conditions) and we had a crisis. And that crisis didn’t end when we returned to some semblance of an in-person educational experience.

Through it all I wanted to be and do more for my struggling student dentists. So in the summer of 2020 I earned a certificate in Psychological First Aid from Johns Hopkins University. At the same time there were murmurings of a student run mental health and wellness committee forming which needed a faculty adviser. And soon after that a key student in the nascent mental health and wellness committee approached me and solicited my opinion regarding the potential structure of a mental health and wellness committee. The following is what I proposed to that student and published within my blog on October 17th, 2020:

* I believe we need to empower and maintain a student run mental health and wellness committee that can be in constant communication with their student dentist colleagues.

* I believe we constantly need to nurture a community-wide belief within our dental schools that suffering with mental health issues is OK and NOT a sign of weakness.

* I believe we constantly need to educate/re-educate student dentists regarding the signs and symptoms of mental illness.

* I believe we need to empower student dentists to recognize mental health issues within themselves AND/OR within their student colleagues.

* I believe we need to constantly provide student dentists with up-to-date mental health information/resources. This can include but not be limited to: web addresses that provide relevant and pertinent information and help; phone numbers that student dentists can call for help; utilization of on-campus organizations that work to promote mental health (such as Active Minds); utilization of on-campus counseling centers; pamphlets; flyers; etc.

* I believe we need to train several student dentists to be able to intervene in a mental health crisis (Johns Hopkins University offers a certification in Psychological First Aid which allows practitioners to help triage and stabilize patients who are in the grips of a psychological crisis).

* I believe we need to empower faculty and staff to recognize mental health issues within our student dentists.

* I believe we need to train several faculty and staff to be able to intervene in a mental health crisis (Johns Hopkins University’s Psychological First Aid).

* I believe we need to train and empower student dentists to contact designated, trained, and trusted student colleagues, staff, or faculty during a mental health crisis.

* I believe student dentists need a safe forum to gather to discuss mental health issues especially with fellow student colleagues. This forum should empower students to believe that they are not alone, that they are not suffering in silence, and that others are suffering alongside them. This forum should be a community where suffering students can learn to share and trust each other and work together to overcome the challenges of mental illness. This forum can also include outside-of-school activities that nurture mental health such as group nature hikes, outings, etc.

Fast forward to the present, a community/group effort, empowered by highly motivated students, staff, and faculty, has produced a functioning and thriving mental health and wellness committee: MUSOD’S Mental Health and Wellness Committee. And monthly we have speakers giving mental health and wellness presentations to the entire dental school. And those presentations have been very successful.

So why the hell am I saying all this? Cuz I implore any and all who are suffering from anxiety, depression, panic, or trauma to reach out for help. Please don’t suffer alone in silence and isolation. Anxiety, depression, panic, and trauma are insidious foes. They make you feel defeated and this is only heightened in over-achievers also known as student dentists. REACH OUT FOR HELP! Mental illness is an illness like any other illness that knocks us away from living life to its fullest. I go to my MD get my asthma treated when it knocks me on my ass. And now I have the strength to go to my MD and my therapist to have my panic attacks/PTSD treated when they knock me on my ass. I should not be and am not afraid/embarrassed to admit that I am suffering from a mental illness. And I wish that folks would not feel stigmatized by our society’s views regarding mental health. I am Danish and Denmark is empirically the happiest country on the planet. Denmark’s happiness comes from many different sources but Denmark doesn’t stigmatize mental illness: Denmark embraces mental illness and treats it effectively and its people are empowered to live wonderful stigma free lives. We Danish Americans are arguably one of the smallest ethnic minorities in the USA because ya gotta be nutz to leave Denmark.

So, we all got shit going on. Sometimes we can handle it. Sometimes we can’t handle it (and that’s OK). Sometimes things happen that tip the scales toward not being able to handle it (and that’s OK too). Sometimes our actions toward others can take someone’s precarious situation and turn things in a bad direction. Maybe we just need to remember to be nice to people. Or maybe we just need to be respectful toward others. We don’t know the burdens that people carry. And our actions can make or break someone’s day. Kind words and a smile are healing gestures (or are at least comforting). Even our body language can make or break someone’s day.

It’s OK to have shit going on. And it’s OK if the shit overwhelms us. There are really good people out there who can help us when the shit gets too deep. Reach out for help. Life is worth living well and we all can work together to achieve a life lived well. I can’t say it enough: I encourage anyone who’s suffering from anxiety, depression, panic, or trauma to seek help. I know how stressful dental school (and life) can be. And I have had to live through losing student dentists and colleagues to suicide. There’s a lot of life worth living. And it’s good and right to seek help and live to see beautiful todays and tomorrows.

WAGA and WAHEO: We All Get Along and We All Help Each Other. Namaste.

I am so very blessed to finally be on this PTSD healing journey. So many things aligned for me to be able to finally heal (and there’s a good chance that I will never get another chance to heal like this). Unexpected? Absolutely! But the Good Lord usually just laughs at any “plans” I develop. Nope, I am not in charge of my journey on this crazy spaceship we call Earth. And usually the BEST things in my life have arisen from the unplanned detours. I’m ridin’ that wave and whatever that wave does is any mortal’s guess.

That said, this is no easy journey. I am having to descend into the depths of Hell so I can heal my broken parts (under the guidance of a gifted psychologist…wow, sometimes she’s like a dragon slayer or a witcher the way she goes after the demons in my mind…more on that a different day). And those broken parts in me aren’t much interested in being fixed. In so many ways my spinal fusion and double carpal-tunnel surgery was SO much easier because all I had to do was lean back and let my body drive. Not so with this mental stuff. This is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done (but if I can survive and persevere through the forking Hell known as dental school then there is a good chance I’ll survive this PTSD healing journey).

I am no expert on mental illness/wellness but I’m trying to make sense of things within me the best I can. For my PTSD (I wager this is the same for many suffering from PTSD) it seems like there was an initial trauma event that triggered emotions. You might not even realize that that particular incident did or meant anything (I didn’t). Maybe our brains downplay the event or even block it from consciousness (my brain totally blocked the event!!!). But that damn event is always there lurking behind a veil within our unconscious mind (case in point: ME!!!). And that damn event can wreak havoc without our even knowing it as the emotion/s from that event can rear its ugly head in so many different and potentially damaging ways.

I am going to use fishing as an analogy for my PTSD because I feel like my initial trauma event (and its emotions) was like a fish hook or a fishing lure. Often times when fishing I use several fishing rods at once and I feel like my initial event/hook was something I casted out into the lake (unconsciously) and that hook just sat in the water quietly doing nothing and eventually just became forgotten. Over time I casted out lines from several other fishing rods and those lines were definitely within my conscious world and were even productive (I think of this as my ability to live my life and build a semblance of success). But that one forgotten line just sat there doing nothing but waiting for its moment.

As time moved on I had a few more trauma events after that initial event and I think of those events as weeds and/or snags on the bottom of the lake. They grew and multiplied but they were never really a problem. I just kept fishing and catching fish with my productive (conscious) fishing rods. In other words, I was living my life with some semblance of success.

Then the storm: the big trigger event that activated my PTSD. And now that quiet and forgotten hook went berserk. It was like an unconscious out-of-control reeling in of that forgotten hook followed by an unconscious wild/out-of-control cast of that hook with no particular aim. And then that crazy hook dove deep. And as that hook dove deeper it grabbed onto and dislodged multiple weeds/snags which led to even more furious reeling. Finally that weed and snag filled hook lodged in an immovable snag (like a submerged tree branch). And then that hook was STUCK!!! In other words, my PTSD had now come into full consciousness and it was not going to release without HELP!!!

And now I am receiving help. My psychologist is helping me to get that hook dislodged from that submerged tree branch. My psychologist is helping me to clean all those weeds and snags from my hook. And my psychologist is helping me to learn ways to safely cast that hook again. It’s ridiculous for me to think that that hook will go away for good. Far from it. That hook will likely be with me forever. But with care and training and retraining my hope is that I will never get that hook snagged into anything ever again. But even that may be ridiculous. So should that hook become snagged again (likely it will) my psychologist is teaching me ways to dislodge that hook effectively.

I am a work in progress. I am a glorious mess. But I’m doing the work. And I will continue to do the work. Stay tuned…