This is so hard for me to write about as it conjures up such deep feelings of darkness and despair. I can only write so much about this at one time so I’m going to have to break this into parts and write about it only as I am able.
I believe it’s a well known fact that I hated dental school. I hated dental school with passion. Yes, when I was a damn, dirty, diseased University of Minnesota dental student I was admittedly a miserable person. It’s complex as to how I arrived at misery but misery was my constant companion. And misery can be so hard to overcome especially when everyone around you is miserable and for the same reasons.
Part of the problem was that I sold my soul to dental school. Perhaps I didn’t have a choice at the time but age and wisdom (which I likely lacked in dental school) tell me that we always have a choice. Needless to say, I lost all that made me who I was. And the misery feedback loop kept me blinded to all the things that made me, well, “me”. There was so much “me” that got me to dental school. What happened to “me”? I don’t know and I’m carefully/gently trying to figure that out. Stay tuned.
So, learning from my soul mistakes in dental school, what is an emergency thing that you can do NOW to give your soul a little break? I suggest that you try to remember one to three things that make your soul sing. And for anyone reading this post who is currently a student dentist PLEASE try not to say that being a dentist makes your soul sing as you’re not quite a dentist yet and I suggest that saying something like that is more like setting a goal. Goals help blaze a path. But what will nourish you on your path to a goal? The soul needs nourishment and attention. So, perhaps think back to being a child. Did you like to paint? Did you like to run around the backyard blowing bubbles? Did you like flying kites? Perhaps you liked to knit? Did you like sitting and watching the sun go down? Or, right now are you a pet parent and can’t wait to see your pet baby every day? It doesn’t matter what it is that makes your soul sing. And don’t try to say “ach, that was just a stupid little kid thing that’s just a waste of time”. The little kid thing gnawing at you is likely your soul screaming for help.
Once you relocate one to three very precious things that make your soul sing try to set aside some sacred time/space to do or focus on your precious thing(s). Set a goal that I WILL NOT LET ANYTHING invade my sacred time/space and I WILL lose myself in my precious thing(s) that makes my soul sing. If needed, set an alarm and let that alarm serve as a wall separating your precious sacred time/space from the rest of the world. I KNOW this takes great effort but I KNOW it may pay great dividends. Take it from a guy who forked up four years of his soul life and can never get those years back.
Doc's Writing Refuge 